Countable Nouns

Student Essay: School uniform, lets the student does not exist the wind of themselves.

Student Essay: If you in class, the teacher bring you under the guidance into the knowledge ocean.

Student Essay: As everyone knows, there are many talented people who are genius and they are like lighting star around us. These people sometimes speak gold in public situations.

Is it acceptable to write “WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PAPER ABOUT?!” on a student’s essay? Because that’s what I feel like doing right now.

Question on Quiz: How are the romance and the novel different?

Student Answer: is The same time in 15 country, different 4 stage.

(Male) Student Journal: If I could have dinner with ANYONE in the world, I would invite Yanni to dinner.

Me:…really?…REALLY?!

Student: I am afraid at night because I have a small heart.

Student Excuse: I cannot come to class today. I have my period and it is extreme.

Me:…oh…gross.

Student Describing a Basketball Game: I always sit in a branch and eat jerky or wave towels in the air.

Student Journal: When I was a child, I want to be a tree. In autumn, I can use my food to adopt the pool people.

Me:…I don’t even…what is this…?

Student Journal: I would like a girlfriend because that would make my life beautiful and powerful.

Student Journal: When I live in the eagle, I will have lots of space to put my stuff.

Student Journal: When I was little, I wanted to be a radio host. It is a very mystical job.

My students had a paper due today that had to be at LEAST 4 pages long. A solid 4 pages. Not 3 1/2 pages. FOUR pages.

Student: Teacher, I am sorry but I could not write four pages. I could only write three.

Me: Well part of your grade is the length requirement, so you will lose a few points.

Student: Well yesterday I had to pick my family up at the airport and then I stayed up until 4am to write the paper…so I could not write four pages.

Me: Okay…so when did I assign you this paper?

Student:…

Me: On the first day of class. Four weeks ago.

Student: But then I had to think about my topic for a week.

Me: So what did you do during the other three weeks?

Student:…

Me: Goodbye.

Student Journal: Last fall my friends and I went to Niagara Falls. We took a million pictures. Then, we invited ourselves to a wedding party and took pictures of the couple and ate food.

Me:…OMG MY STUDENTS WEDDING CRASHED. *so proud*

Student Journal: The Great Wall of China is the most bitchin building I’ve ever seen.

Student Journal: Pompeii is the artificial city of my dreams.

Student Journal: The best place I have ever visited is Lexington, Kentucky.

Me:…really?

Where did all these new followers come from!?!?

Hola, new followers.

There are tons of excuses that my students give for missing class. Frankly, I don’t care what their excuses are, but they give them to me anyway. Here are some of my favorites (with the grammar corrected by me…these are just the gist of their messages).

I can’t come to class because…

“It’s raining.”

“It’s snowing.”

“It’s too sunny.”

“I’m pregnant.”

“I have to buy a car.”

“I have to take my friend to take their driver’s test.”

“I need to get the new iPhone.”

“I have the menses.”

“I hit my head.”

“I don’t want to.”

Note: It’s really amazing how words change when pronounced in a different accent.

Today I asked me students to write about a place they want to visit.

Me: Okay, so who wants to share what they wrote?

Student 1: I would like to visit London.

Me: Alright, cool. What are some of the reasons that you want to visit London?

Student 1: I want to experience English culture and I want to go on the Underground. Also, London is famous for fuck.

Me: O_O…I’m sorry…what?

Student 1: They are famous for…you know…fuck!

Me: I…uh…

Student 2: Yeah, very fucking there!

Me:…

Student 1 sees that I am very obviously confused and tries to explain ‘fuck’: It is all over the place…

In My Head: NOT HELPING.

Student 1: It is white all the time…

In My Head: STILL NOT HELPING.

Student 1: It is like after it rains, and then there is a cloud on the ground and you can’t see.

Me: *clicks* FOG.

Student 1 and 2: YES.

Me: FOG. FOG. It’s called fog.

Student Listening Journal: While watching this show, I learned many new words…such as transvestite.

Student Journal: The spring flows through my heart river.

I had my students write note cards about themselves on the first day of class. They had to include one interesting fact about themselves.

Student’s Interesting Fact: I’m crazy when I’m drunk.

Student Essay: There are many families that can not have a baby. This problem really confuses them. They will treat their pets as their children to satisfy the pain of spirit.

Question on Test: How are elderly people cared for in your community?

Student Response: Eye contact.

Student Essay: Fast-food restaurants increased in our area. I feel so-so.

Student Essay: We need to eat more flesh fruit.

Me:…O_O

A student from Saudi Arabia turns around to ask an Asian student a question.

Saudi Student: How do you say this word in Chinese?

Asian Student: I don’t know. I’m Japanese.

Student: My dad said that if I get 3 A’s this semester, he will buy me any car I want.

Me: What happens if you don’t get 3 A’s?

Student: Well he said that if I get one A and two A-, he will only give me $30,000 to buy a car.

Me:…that’s nice.

Student: Plagiarizing is okay, as long as less than 30% of my paper is plagiarized.

Me:…*fuming*

Student Journal: Black color is one of my favorite colors because it’s the king of the other colors.

Student Essay: It is too hard for me, but I like hard.

Me:… o_O

Student Essay About a Partner: His major is counting.

Me, addressing the whole class: How is everyone today?

Student: Thank you!

Final Exam Question:

In what book can you find synonyms and antonyms?

Student Answer: Synonym and antonym dictionary.

Me: Nice try.

On their final exam, students had to write three specific ideas that pertained to a general idea.

Student Final:

General Idea: Beverages

Specific Ideas: clever, low-key, kind

Student Essay: I must resist temptations consciously, such as alcohol and narcotic drugs.

Student Essay: I remember when I saw the “Loin King.”

Me: …. o_0

A student journal describing the movie ‘Twilight’: In the experiemental class, she met a Frankenstein - Edward.

Student Essay: Social websites on the internet, like Facebook or Twitter, helps the people to penetrate each other quickly.

Me:….. o_0

Student Journal: I watched “Road of the Ring.” It has magic ring.

Me:Who is your teacher?

Student: I don’t know his name, but he looks like Obama.

Note: No one in our department fits this description…

Me: What are some obstacles in life that we have to overcome?

Student: Fear.

Me: Good. Fear of what?

Student: Fear of terrorism. This holds back all Americans.

Student Journal: Sometimes I try Italian food, sometimes Indian food, but my favorite restaurant is Five Gays.

Student: In summer we go to traditional festivals and eat some friends.

Me: Err…what?

I asked my students to write about three things they enjoy doing in their spare time. My favorite title:

My Favorite Hobbit